Ken Davis Blog

Proof women are born that way!

Brush your dog's teeth???

Yesterday my friend Sheila Walsh twittered that she took her Scottish dogs in to have their teeth cleaned and the vet asked her why she doesn’t brush them herself.  Hellooo! She values her arm. 

Like Sheila said, "You don’t mess with a Scot." 

More likely she has smelled her dog's breath.

Wolves don’t go to the vet to have their teeth brushed.  Lions have nice big teeth and you don’t see them laying back in a dentist chair with that  suction thing hanging out of their mouth.  Perhaps we need to let dogs be dogs.  They survived for thousands of years without a dentist.  They can make it a couple more.

I can barely brush my own teeth without gagging, how could I brush my dog's teeth after seeing some of the cadavers they have dragged home. I might be able to do it if you put me under. 

Diane took our dogs to the vet for teeth cleaning and they had to be put under. The bill for the anesthesia was more than I paid for the dogs. Now that is a good reason for brushing your dog's teeth yourself.

We should take care of our pets, but people are always more important.  In Colorado a woman was killed by a mountain lion with cubs.  The momma lion had to be destroyed.  More money came in to care for the cubs than to help the family who lost a mom.  Something is wrong with that picture

I gotta go now.  I’m taking my two schnauzers in to have their nails manicured. 

Snuggie Ingenuity!

Last night temperatures dipped to 40 degrees in the mountains.  In the terrifying chaos of Monday's events, I forgot to bring long pants.  What to do?  Someone said, "necessity is the mother of invention."  I say that anyone who wanted a Snuggie could save big bucks by turning their bathrobe backwards. 

Well, I have good news for you. Anyone who wants a warm Poncho/Pantsuit combo can have one by wearing their Snuggie upside down.

I have always wanted my blog to have the kind of quality, life changing information given by my friend, high tech leadership guru, Michael Hyatt.  The following information takes one step in that direction, except this not for high profile leaders.  This is for cash strapped, fashion challenged folks like me, caught at 10,000 feet without long pants. 

Steps to staying warm on a cold mountain night.

1.  Steal granddaughters Snuggie.
2.  Turn garment upside down.
3.  Step into the arm holes. (This may take more than one try)
4.  Tuck the neck of the Snuggie into the waistband of your shorts.
5.  Pull the back of the Snuggie up behind you and over your shoulders.
6.  Tie bottom corners of Snuggie to corners at Snuggie top.
6.  Brace yourself for gales of derisive laughter and a significant amount of discomfort.
7.  Do not allow your picture to be taken from directly in front or back.

Because of His grace yesterday.  I can laugh today. 

 

"Toe Clips" and "Face Plants!"

My wife gave me a pair of bicycle toe clips for Christmas.  I thought it was because she loved me.  Now I'm not sure.  Yesterday, I just went for my first ride.  I felt like a sleeping cow at a high school senior party.  I tipped over five times. 

For the uninformed, toe clips attach your foot to the pedals FOREVER!  Oh, they say you can get out, but they lie.  You can only get out if you are sitting quietly on the bike and the salesman is demonstrating how to do it. In real life you can't get out of the clips. If you have any doubt about the panic this causes, have a friend nail your feet to a skateboard and then shove you sideways.  Hurts doesn't it?  Now have your friend do this in traffic. 

You are never moving very fast when you fall because it only happens when you start and stop.  That means at stop signs and intersections, where people and cars congregate.  At one point I found myself lying upside down in the middle of an intersection completely helpless to release my feet from the bike looming above me. Traffic came to a dead stop. Honking horns.  Incredulous stares. Finally the cars just slowly made their way around me.  With my skin-tight pants, colorful helmet, glittering chrome bike, and blood all in mashed into one neat little package of squirming humiliation, I must have looked like some pathetic form of techno-road kill.

I finally almost made it home when I saw friends walking along the road.  I prayed they wouldn't recognize me because of the injuries, but no, they called my name.  I applied the brakes, stopped beside them and then slowly tipped over at their feet.  It made for good conversation.  That is if "please help me" is considered good conversation.

Since I always try to draw some practical lesson from my experiences, here is what I have come up with.

1. If your wife gives you bike clips, get a counselor and double check to see if she has taken out a huge insurance policy on your life.

2. If you decide to ride with bike clips, don't start or stop.  Just do the middle riding part.  Do this in seclusion!

Several friend have told me to try again. They said it gets easier.  I am headed to their house now.... with a hammer, some nails and a skate board.

Redneck Art

As a kid one night, I spilled my spaghetti all over the floor. My Mom said that it was my last supper. As hard as I looked I couldn't see Judas, the disciples or nothing. But this one takes the cake. You can't miss the art in this one. Watch this and you'll be blown away. Then go play with your food.

This post is a part of the Ethos Watercooler Wednesday. Enjoy more great posts about arts and culture each Wednesday. Come join us at the watercooler.

Learning to keep my mouth shut

I had to go through a security wanding at the airport the other day. For those who may not know what a security wanding is, it's like receiving a spanking for something you didn't do.   The only  difference is they can't touch you with the paddle. 

As the wand went over my watch it gave off the national security alert beep. "What is that?" the screener asked pointing to my watch.  I tried to keep a straight face, because I have discovered laughter at a moment like this can result in secondary screening.  For those of you who might not know what secondary screening is, that is where you get an actual spanking.  "That's a watch," I said.  I should have stopped there but my lips were already moving. I continued "It has a life time guarantee.  When it quits, a little razor blade comes out and slits your wrist."  Wrong answer. Now I know what a full body search is.